Short But Funny Jokes
A collection of 60 funny jokes submitted by Reddit users. They range from cute to really punny.
1. EstherHarshom
What’s green and eats nuts?
Syphilis.
2. VildereKlovn
Somebody stole my mood ring and I’m not quite sure how I feel about that.
- Tracy Jordan
3. ChrisLikesSoda
So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere…
4. azembala
I just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome. It was pretty bad at first, but by the end I kinda liked it.
5. VinciFox
A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
6. habitualbastard
Why’d the semen cross the road? I wore the wrong pair of socks.
7. FidelCastrator
How many Freudian psychologists does it take to screw in a penis – I mean light-bulb!
8. neallf
How do you kill a circus?
Go for the juggler…
9. buskey
Nurse: “Doctor, there’s an invisible man in the waiting room.”
Doctor: “Tell him I can’t see him.”
10. McDoogleSnatch
The stationary store moved.
11. bathswithdad
Have you heard about the corduroy pillow?
I hear it’s making headlines.
12. -Minnow-
Life without women would be a pain in the ass.
13. I_F*&^ED_GRANDMA
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip off.
14. 22sjpog
Why was the letter C afraid of the other letters?
They were Not-Cs.
15. Utoss
A wizard walked into a gay bar and disappeared with a poof.
16. UnseenGlasses
Comic Sans walks into a bar. Bartender says, “We don’t serve your type here.”
17. william_f_murray
Did you hear about the psychic midget that robbed a bank? Now there’s a small medium at large.
18. JLipari
Why are NYers so depressed?
Because the light at the end of the tunnel is just New Jersey.
19. ForSakeOfArgument
It’s always hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they’re always taking things literally.
I hate myself.
20. I_FUCKED_GRANDMA
What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved.
21. 3SP
There are two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says “do you know how to drive this thing?”
22. jcsulser
Why cant Hellen Keller drive a car?
Because she’s dead.
23. lolalodge
What did the agnostic, dyslexic, insomniac do?
He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.
24. rev0lut10n
I’ve just written a song about tortillas. Actually, it’s more of a rap.
25. g1344304
What’s E.T. short for?
He’s got little legs.
26. crocoperson
Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.
27. psufan5
What do you call a black guy flying a plane?
“I don’t know, what?”
A pilot you racist.
28. FeralMuse
What do you call a blonde with two brain cells? Pregnant.
Also, did you hear about the dyslexic satanist? He sold his soul to Santa.
29. Trumpstah
Job interview:
“What’s your greatest weakness?”
“Honesty.”
“I don’t think honesty is a weakness.”
“I don’t give a fuck what you think.”
30. nataliejeanie
Why is Santa so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
31. MarlboroMundo
Doc told me that my IQ test results came back negative.
32. betteporter
“Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?”
33. Dawn_of_the_bread
Someone threw cheese at me. Real mature!
34. idleWizard
Do you know what is the difference between shower curtain and the toilet paper? No? So you’re the one!
35. TonyX816
Q: Opposite of Christopher Reeve?
A:Christopher Walken.
36. freedom4me
A guy wearing only saran wrap underwear walks into a psychiatrists office. The doctor takes one look at him and says, “Well, I can clearly see your nuts.”
37. Zictor04
“What do you call a mix between an elephant and a rhino?”
“What?”
“‘Ell if i know.”
38. dandrufforsnow
What’s the difference between a jew and a canoe? A canoe tips.
39. doolie_noted
A termite walks into a bar and says, “Hey, is the bar tender here?”
40. Clamps187
There are two muffins in an oven. First muffin says to the second muffin, “Man, it’s hot in here”. The second muffin replies “HOLY SHIT! A TALKING MUFFIN”!
41. SHOCKINGUSERNAME
Two bars walk into a man, LSD is powerful stuff.
42. Calomalo
Why can’t asian parents have white babies? Two wongs don’t make a white.
43. Pureeee
What do you call a Mexican without a car?
Carlos.
44. thornae
The French have just one egg for breakfast, because that’s un oeuf.
45. foxsable
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two but it’s kind of cramped.
46. lawyerman13
What is the cheapest kind of meat? Deer Balls. You get them under a buck.
47. fafinal
Make the little things count, teach midgets math.
48. destroythepoon
For Halloween in West Virginia they pump kin.
49. CharlieMay
Guy: If you woke up in the woods and found you have been anally raped all night long, would you tell somebody?
Girl: Oh my god, No!
Guy: Wanna go camping?
50. sittingaround
Two atoms are walking down the street, one says to the other “I think I just lost an electron.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m positive.”
51. pitchinnate
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa, not yelling and screaming like everyone else in his car.
52. BigRme
How do you give a redneck a circumcision?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
53. sittingaround
A priest, a rapist, and a pedophile walk into a bar. He orders a drink.
54. idsc93
What kind of bees make milk? Boobies
55. BizCaus
Dyslexics are teople poo.
56. vdaddyslav
What do Michael Jackson and black caviar have in common?
They both come on little crackers.
57. ybcuz
Two cows are grazing in the field
One turns to the other and asks, “So what do you think about this mad cow disease?”
And the other responds, “What do I care, I’m a helicopter!”
58. kballs
How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a lightblulb?
LET’S GO RIDE BIKES!!!
59. Sir0bin
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.
60. zrajpari
Did you hear about the Italian chef who died last week? He pasta way.
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